As an addict involved in the LDS Addiction Recovery Program, I had to dig deep to find and embrace my inner Mormon. What follows is my journal from this point forward.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Recovery Journal 20120704

O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever. I will not put my trust in the arm of flesh; for I know that cursed is he that putteth his trust in the arm of flesh. Yea, cursed is he that putteth his trust in man or maketh flesh his arm.  2 Nephi 4:34

In the ARP manual, We are asked questions about Nephi's lament as recorded in 2 Nephi 4.  What I find is that this chapter gives us a pattern of returning often to the Lord.  Nephi finds himself in sorrow for his own sins and yet he also makes it clear where his hope lies.  He laments his weakness, remembers the Lord and then returns to him.

Oh Wretched Man that I am (verse 17)...Nevertheless I know in whom I have trusted (verse 19)...O Lord, I have atrusted in thee, and I will btrust in thee forever (Verse 34).

In between verse 19 and 34, is Nephi doing what the Book of Mormon tells us to do over and over, he is remembering. He recalls what the Lord has done and the blessings he has received. He bears witness to himself of the Lord. In doing so he finds the power to return to the Lord.

To see this pattern is to give me such great comfort and joy and to know that I too can follow this pattern and return to the Lord again.  When asked what can I do to put my trust in the Lord, I answer,  I need to begin by making prayer a daily thing.  I need to make daily paryer a more heartfelt thing.  I need to pray to the Lord as though my survival depends on him as I believe it does.  The time has come to be desperate for the Lord in my life.  I need to beg as the citizens under King Benjamin's reign did.  I need to be more than I am by being less than I think myself to be.  I need to humble myself and look to the Lord for all things.

My days have been going very well lately.  I must not slacken my grip to the iron rod. I must not think that momentum will carry me.  I must not give myself credit.  It is all I can do to remember to repent and call on the name of the Lord.  I must remember my own repentant pattern long before I find myself being pulled into my addiction.  I must remember how the Lord has blessed me.

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