As an addict involved in the LDS Addiction Recovery Program, I had to dig deep to find and embrace my inner Mormon. What follows is my journal from this point forward.
I'm a Mormon.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

My Summary of Sunday afternoon session of General Conference, Oct. 2011



Russell A. Nelson, Quorum of the 12 Apostles.
Elder Nelson spoke about the importance of covenants, and especially about the ancient covenants and their relationship to latter-day restoration. He talked about the Abraham a covenant and the promises made Israel and our role in them.

Elder Nelson taught that the coming forth of the book of Mormon was beginning the fulfillment of the covenant to gather Israel and that we as Latter-Day Saints have a duty to assist in the gathering of Israel.

He associated the covenants given anciently with the commandments to live righteously and that we keep covenants in these latter days as part of our devotion to our faith. He stated that the greatest complement one could receive would be being called a covenant keeper. He stated that when we understand that we are the children of the covenant that we know who we are and what God expects of us.

Dallin H. Oaks, Quorum of the 12 Apostles
Elder Oaks spoke on the importance of understanding Jesus Christ and what he has done for us. He cautioned against following the teachings of the world and even other Christian faiths that praise Jesus as a teacher but reject his divinity. He then recalled many New Testament Scriptures wherein the Savior himself testify of his Godhood.

Through this, Elder Oaks demonstrated that Jesus is the only begotten of the Father, his appearance is as that of the Father, that he was in the beginning with God, that he was the Creator, that he was Jehovah, that he is the light and life of the world, that we come to the father through him, that we come to him by following the will of the father.

Elder Oaks taught us that we are guided to follow Jesus by the influence of the Holy Ghost and by following the commandments given. He stressed that we are to seek him first and that we must not be like those who would Jesus declared himself the Bread of Life, many went away because they could not seek him above all else.

He expressed the culmination of the Savior's ministry was the Atonement. And that through this we overcome physical death, and spiritual death and bring about the hope for Exaltation. To summarize the Savior's role as creator, light of the world, and Redeemer. He stated that the way to Christ is first, desire and second, obedience.

Elder Matthew O. Richardson, Of the Seventy
Elder Richardson spoke about teaching. He declared that we all have a responsibility to teach and to teach by the spirit. He talked about teaching by the spirit instead of in front of it or behind it or in place of it. He made mention that some people think they are teaching by the spirit where in fact there only "winging it." He taught how others seek to teach their own thoughts and not teach by the spirit.

He explained to things that we can do to teach after the manner of the spirit. We can do this by following two ways in which the Holy Ghost teaches us. The first being that the Holy Ghost teaches in a very personal way. That we can follow this and strive to teach people instead of teaching lessons. He counseled us to pause and listen and to observe those we teach, to see where they are, to understand them. The second is that the Holy Ghost teaches by inviting us and prompting us and inspiring us to act. And that we can invite others to act for themselves and encourage them to take these lessons to heart to change not only their synapses but also their behavior.

Elder Kazuhiko Yamashita, Of the Seventy
Elder Yamashita expressed gratitude for the missionaries and how he is never forgotten the missionaries who brought him to the gospel. He expressed that even when baptized he did not fully understand all the teachings, but that the love conveyed by the missionaries and the love he felt during his baptism and confirmation came from the Holy Ghost and taught him that he was loved. He encouraged future missionaries to do three things: bring a desire to present gospel, bring a testimony with them, and love others.

Elder Randall K. Bennett, Of the Seventy
Elder Bennett spoke about an experience in swimming in dangerous currents when he thought he had the ability to handle it. He told how this choice he made nearly cost him his life. After struggling to swim back to shore and becoming exhausted to the point of nearly drowning he began to plead for help only to find a lifeguard next him. He said the lifeguard saw him swim in the current new where you would be with their and patiently waited for him to call for help. He likened this to the choices we often make.

He expressed that the choices we make are the choices of not only our actions but are consequences. He told the story of a child who wanted to choose only the best of consequences regardless of her actions. He said we can choose to follow God and seek joy in following his path organ choose the folder world and indulgence in and it's ultimate sorrow, but we cannot choose to do both. We said we all face adversity, temptations, and we all make mistakes. But that we can all repent.

He challenged us to examine the things that we think say and do to see if we are choosing eternal life.

J. Devin Cornish, Of the Seventy
Elder Cornish spoke of God being a physical being and not some intangible feeling or force. That he is a loving father and that we should learn to pray to him as such. He recounted his own story and having an answer to prayer and asked why would God be concerned with something so small. He answered his own question by saying he believes that God loves us so much that our concerns are his concerns.

Even though God does love us agency dictates that he does not affect our lives without us asking him first. We need to seek him and ask for his help. He then used the Lord's prayer as the example of the pattern of prayer that we should have. He explained that the purpose of prayer is not to change the will of God but to have God bestow promised blessings upon us. He taught that is the devil but teaches us not to pray that it times some people think they are too sinful to pray. He said this is like a person being too sick to see a doctor.

He stated that praying and understanding what we should ask for and receiving answers takes practice, but that we can all learn the language of the spirit.

Elder Quentin L. Cook, Quorum of the 12 Apostles
Elder Cook spoke about trials and tribulations. He began by rehearsing some of the tragedies that have occurred in recent years. He addressed the question of why God allows bad things to happen and stated that we don't always know the reasons but that we do understand the principles of God, and that understanding them can give us a better perspective on these tragedies.

These principles include that we have a loving Heavenly Father, that his son Jesus Christ at home for our sufferings, and that there is an eternity and a plan of salvation.

Elder Cook express Sierra of looking at trials in life only through the lens of mortality and that if only look into this lens tragedy does not make sense. He also explain the tragedy come from many different elements, such as the agency of others that another's choice must include the ability to choose bad things and that those bad choices can affect even righteous people. He explained that some tragedies come to others because of disobedience to Commandments such as violation of the word wisdom or the law of chastity. He explained that others may not have any direct explanation but that the perspectives of the eternities can help us.

He looked at to LDS connections to the tragedy of the Titanic. How would one case missionaries were safe from harm by not being able to board the ship, and how in another case a member did board the ship and even though the women and children were placed in the liferafts how she stayed and assisted others even to her own death. It is not easy to understand why some would be spared another's would not, Elder Cook said. But that we know from the wider and clearer lands of the gospel we can see that none of these tragedies are permanent and that those who are righteous and are slain are not lost in the lives are not meaningless.

He spoke of Capt. Moroni and how he stated that the Lord will at times allow the righteous to be slain that he may allow his judgments to come upon the wicked. And that those who are righteous but die, die and to God and will be saved in his kingdom.

He concluded by stating that the atonement covers all of the unfairness of life and that there is no chance or fate or destiny that can circumvent or hinder or control the firm resolve of a determined soul. Our question is not so much why tragedy occurs but how will we choose to live in the face of tragedy.

President Thomas S. Monson
Pres. Monson expressed gratitude for all who have helped in this conference. This included choirs and congregations. He expressed his love for us and his gratitude for our service. He admonished us to be more kind, more loving to be always found doing good and serving the Lord, and to endeavor to increase our testimony.

My Summary of Sunday Morning Session of General Conference, Oct. 2011


Elder Henry B. Eyring
Elder Eyring's talk came from Mosiah 3:18. Expounding on the Scripture, Elder Eyring looked at three key elements of the baptismal covenant as found in the Scripture. He talked about being charitable, being a witness, and enduring in obedience.

Elder Eyring taught us that being charitable will become a part of our nature as we pursue it and rely on the Savior. Regarding being a witness, Elder Eyring told a story about speaking at a university where he was explicitly told that he could not be a witness of Jesus Christ there as is his calling. He struggled with how to deal with the situation and became inspired by Book of Mormon prophets who also had to testify of the Savior in the midst of opposition.

He found inspiration in being directed to research the university's history and realized similarities in charitable service between it and the LDS Church. He used this as a starting point and spoke about how this service is Christlike service. The experience was deeply emotional for him as he figured out how to deal with this difficult challenge.

He spoke of enduring and recounted stories of people whose lives were devoted to service of the Lord. He quoted Mosiah 2 and showed how King Benjamin in spite of his weakness and age endured to serve the Lord to the end.

Elder Robert D. Hales
Elder Hales spoke about the suffering the Savior endured during the atonement and how he willingly allow himself to undergo the pain. He stressed that he allowed himself to be alone and to wait upon his Heavenly Father.

He addressed the question of why some suffer great trials even while striving to do God's will. He referenced Joseph Smith and the early pioneers as examples. He made it clear that the purpose of our life is to grow developed and to strengthen. To do this, he said, that we too must learn to wait upon the Lord.

He acknowledged that there are times when we wonder why we are going to things such as a death of a companion, financial turmoil, or a wayward child. But in these circumstances he stressed the importance of waiting upon the Lord.

He explained that waiting upon the Lord means that we must have trusted the Lord, that we must have hope, that we must plant the seed of faith and press forward in faith. We must learn to rely on the merits of Jesus Christ and be steadfast and movable in keeping his commandments. He also explained that many times in prayer he did not receive answers because he was not ready for them. And that when they did come it was a little here and a little there.

He concluded by saying that we are not alone. That unlike the Savior, whose disciples could not stay awake for even an hour while he suffered in Gethsemane, that the Savior who watches over us does not slumber and that we can always call on him. He concluded with Isaiah 40:7.

Personal note: Given Elder Hale's recent struggles, I found his testimony particularly moving. He clearly spoke as someone who has had to wait on the Lord.

Elder Donald L. Hallstrom
Elder Hallstrom spoke and bore testimony about the Book of Mormon. He told the story of his great grandfather who upon reading the preface to the Book of Mormon said that it must either come from God or from the devil and he was going to find out which. His great grandfather later concluded that it could not have come from the devil therefore it must be from God. He stated that this is the nature and the genius of the Book of Mormon; that there is no middle ground where it is concerned.

He spoke of the Book of Mormon being a fulfillment of prophecy that out of the mouth of two witnesses shall every word be established. He used an analogy of a single point with infinite lines intersecting it as a demonstration of how the Bible with its many interpretations create so many different churches. He then use the Book of Mormon as a second point and showed how now only one line could intersect both. And the us with the Book of Mormon the interpretation of Scripture is clear and Pacific to one direction.

He went on to show how the Book of Mormon clarify misinterpretations in the Bible regarding the necessity of baptism, the mode of baptism, the need for continuing revelation, and the doctrine of the Atonement.

Elaine S. Dalton, Young Women's President
Sister Dalton, suprisingly, directed her words not towards the young women, but towards fathers and future fathers and spoke about what fathers can do to raise their daughters in righteousness.

She specified three things that can be done. First, a father must love the daughter's mother. Second, a father must be virtuous. Third, a father must bear testimony.

She expounded on each one of these, spending most of her time on the need for a father to love the mother. She stressed that if he loves and respects his spouse that his daughter will see this and know what is to be expected of her spouse and will ask for nothing less. She pleaded that fathers love the mothers so much that the marriage becomes celestial.

She talked about virtue being something that a father must teach and must live. Then he must be a defender virtue in word and deed. That if she knows that he is devoted to virtue that she will have the strength to maintain the standards on her own.

She encouraged fathers to teach their children the importance of education, modesty, values and obedience. She even stated that fathers must set curfews for their daughters, and if they do not come home on time that they should go out and get them so that the daughter will know how important virtue is.

She spoke of the importance fathers of bearing testimony to their daughters. She referenced Alma 19:16, which is the story of Abish. Abish was the daughter of a converted Lamanite who believed on her father's testimony. Her belief in his testimony was instrumental in bringing many Lamanites to Christ, and ultimately this resulted in the Stripling Warriors.

She stressed the importance of fathers in the lives of their daughters and that we could not accept world's view of a father's role being irrelevant. She stressed that fathers should be loyal to the royal within them.

Personal note: Many of the things spoken by Sister Dalton have been stated in priesthood meeting for young men repeatedly. However, hearing a sister speak to the fathers, I couldn't help but feel a special spirit and importance in this message. It is unusual for the Young Women's President to speak specifically to men, but I found the talk the most impactful of the session.

Elder M. Russell Ballard
Elder Ballard spoke of the name of Christ and its importance. He addressed the name of the church and the importance of understanding the full name of the church as being The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. He distinguished this from the term Mormons and stated that while it's okay for members to be called Mormons, that we should not use the term to refer to the church. At the very least, he said we should tell people we belong to the Church of Jesus Christ.

He told about how when people asked if he was a member of the Mormon church, how he explained he belong to the Church of Jesus Christ and further explanations about what that means. He said this often created additional questions and teaching opportunities.

He said it was clear that far too many people did not understand that the name Mormon referred to the Church of Jesus Christ of latter-day Saints and out our efforts in clarifying this would be very helpful. He told us that there is only one church on the earth that by divine command bears the name of the Lord. Since Lord commanded the church to have this name we should identify it by this name.

President Thomas S. Monson
Pres. Monson address the change in morality that is throughout the world. He, with much humor, addressed the views of the world has taken regarding morality. Saying things like the overriding command of the world seems to be "thou shalt not be found out." He spoke about a writer who stated that we spend moral capital with the same abandoned as you spend our physical capital.

He then stated that in spite of this decaying morality, that we as Latter-Day Saints, should not despair. He said we have the gospel of Jesus Christ, we know what it teaches and we know that we can live our standards. He said that morality is not passé. He declared that the laws of God do not change, that they are commandments and not suggestions. He quoted the 10 Commandments and said that if we listen we can hear the echo of God's voice speaking to us as he spoke them. He said our code of conduct is definitive and non-negotiable.

He declared strongly that God is the same yesterday today and forever. And gave us comfort that in a world where everything seems to be changing that we can rely on the constancy of God's commandments and this can anchor us in an ever-changing world. He explained how these teachings can be rejected because the natural man received is not the things of God (1 Corinthians 2:14). However it is essential that we reject anything that does not conform to our standards.

He explained that to be in the world but not of the world, it is necessary that we communicate with our heavenly father through prayer. He stressed the importance of praying every day. He told a personal story about losing five dollars as a child and the prayer he gave for its return and the answer he received. He then said to the day does not go by that he does not pray and that we need to do the same.

A collection of tweets related to these talks can be found here.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

My Summary of Sat. afternoon session of General Conference - October 2011


Elder David A. Bednar of the Quorum of the 12 Apostles
Elder Bednar spoke about the need for family history and Temple work. He began his talk speaking of spiritual priorities as seen in the restoration. And demonstrated how this made it clear that family history was to be a priority in our lives. He then focuses attention on to the youth. He explained that family history was not restricted to a specific age and that in fact, given that family history is now centered around information technology, and that social networking has prepared the use to be the leaders in family history.

The most impactful part of his talk was the story of two Aaronic Priesthood young men who were assigned to teach a family history course in their Ward. He explained how they both became interested in family history and diligent in performing it. He also explained how this example and others show that the youth can be leaders in doing family history and even teaching older people how to do family history and how to handle the new technologies surrounding it. He encouraged leaders to help teach you the importance of family history. He also cautioned leaders to not over program this or make the teaching over detailed. Showing the use the tools found at LDS.org should be sufficient.

Elder Bednar are reinforced the need for family history as a vital part of our exaltation. It's not just an interesting program created by the church. It is a critical part of the plan of salvation.

Neil L. Anderson of the Quorum of the 12 Apostles
Elder Anderson directed his talks on the importance of family and specifically the importance of having children. He made it clear that these commandments to be fruitful and multiply are not forgotten. It is part of the plan for us in our lives and marriage and child-rearing is an important part of that plan. He stated that motherhood is not a hobby like stamp collecting. It's not something that you do if you have some extra time, it is the reason God gave you time. He emphasized that the decision on the number of children to have is a matter between the couple and the Lord. It should be discussed and taken seriously and the decision should be made prayerfully.

He also cautioned members about judging others who do not have children or large families. He especially gave comfort to those who want to have families but cannot. He told the story of a couple who were unable to have children for 25 years until they were able to adopt two children.

Elder Ian Arderm of the Seventy
Elder Arderm taught us on the importance of making good use of time. He focused his talk on using time to give service and to not waste time. He especially put emphasis on new technologies such as social networking and texting that may seem like we are being busy but in fact become an addictive habit that is unproductive. He stressed that we should not let these things replace real relationships and serving our fellow man. He discussed taking our time wasting habits and learning to grind them to dust. He concluded with a charge to balance our time between serving the Lord, our family, work, and wholesome recreational activities.

Elder Carl B. Cook of the Seventy
Elder Cook began by recounting an experience as a Seventy and looking at the floor while in an elevator only to have Pres. Monson entering and tell him it's better to look up. He used this to express Pres. Monson's commitment to always look to God and that we should take this lesson and follow it. He addressed the question as to why is it so hard to look to God and answer it by explaining that at times we may not believe that the answer can be found simply by looking to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. He recounted the story of Moses and the serpents and Alma's retelling of the story and how many perished simply because they would not look at the staff. He so mentioned that looking up is not a one-time experience and that we have to have both a hearing ear and a seeing eye to look to the Lord.

Elder LeGrand Curtis of the Seventy
Elder Curtis focused on the role of Jesus Christ and his title as Redeemer. He spoke about redemption as a way of purchasing us from the bondage of sin and mentioned the effect of redemption including overcoming physical death, and spiritual death. He told us that not only do those who have committed serious sin need the redemption, but those who have always strived to live a good life also need it.

Elder D. Todd Christoffersen of the Quorum of the 12 Apostles
Elder Christoffersen reviewed Book of Mormon stories about Nehor and Korihor and their relevance in our day. He talked about the deception of these two individuals. One taught that because God created all of us he will redeem all of us regardless of our actions. The other taught that there was no sin and that we relied only on our own selves and our own intelligence. He likened this to the teachings in our day and how these falsehoods can be appealing because they allow us to justify anything, but are not the teachings of the Lord. He stressed that repentance is crucial and that we need to both repent and preach repentance.

He talked about repentance being a joyful doctrine and that we should teach it with a smile and that it should be received with joy. He explained that repentance was both refraining from sin and turning to the Lord through obedience. He declared that those who believe that salvation requires no effort on our part make a mockery of all of the suffering the Savior endured. If he was going to do so much can we not do what little we can do to show our devotion to him? He also explained that repentance is not superficial; that is not simply a matter of saying I admit I did that and I'm sorry. He said that repentance causes deep emotional desires to change and that confessing and forsaking sins are powerful and sometimes agonizing concepts. He gave words of comfort that the despair of sin repentance brings redemption, and that despair becomes hope.

Elder L. Tom Perry of the Quorum of the 12 Apostles
Elder Perry spoke about how much information about the church is being spread in the media today. How many people are writing and talking about our faith. He stated that we are receiving more attention than ever and that with the Internet, we are able to reach more people than ever and share the message of who we are. He spoke about how there are changes in the way we communicate and how these changes can be used to spread the message about the church.

He explained that while there is much good being written about us, there is still much misinformation out there. He mentioned that many people have been raised with negative preconceptions about the church. He said that we can do much to help dispel these faults perceptions. He said that we must be bold in our testimony of Jesus Christ; that we need to let others know that he is our Savior and our redeemer and the son of God and that the   gospel is centered around him. He said that we must be righteous examples to others; that we need to engage in doing good and by doing so let our light so shine. He said that we must speak up about the church; that our speech the should be a two-way conversation. We should speak about our faith but also question others about theirs. We do not need to put some sort of spin on our faith but speak clearly and honestly and directly.

You can view a collection of tweets relating to conference here

http://storify.com/swiftj/saturday-afternoon-session

My Summary of Sat. morning session of General Conference, October 2011


Elder Richard G. Scott, of the Quorum of the 12 Apostles
Elder Scott spoke about the importance of the scriptures, both reading and memorizing them. He pointed out all scriptures are important to study, including the Old Testament.  He likened the studying to having a filing cabinet full of friends and advice.

He also spoke about Charity, quoting Paul (Moroni 7 if you choose).
 
Sister Barbara Thompson, RS Counselor
Sister Thompson themed her words around revelation and testimony.  She talked about how it can bless you during times of trial.  Her retelling of a captive who when asked how she kept her testimony stated, "I didn't keep my testimony during those times, my testimony kept me."  She spoke about revelation being mainly about impressions and not about audible speech, a message that would be reiterated by Elder Packer. She also stressed that just because you have a strong testimony now does not mean it will always be so.  We must continue to nourish it and keep it strong and growing.
   
 Elder L. W. Clayton, of the Seventy
 Recounted the amazing growth of the church and offered explanations that were centered in prophecy.  He quoted Daniel 2 and Joseph Smith - History.   He explained that this work is not the work of man but the work of God.  While we recognize and honor Joseph Smith as the prophet who restored the gospel, it is not about him or any one person.  It is the fact that this work is the work of the almighty God and his Son.  He paraphrased a quote about the once all emcompassing British empire and likened it to the work of the lord saying, that the sun never sets on the work of the Lord or his people.

Pres. Monson
The President gave a relatively short talk.  He spoke about the busy nature of their work and where they have been. It had been centered around temple dedications and redidications. He then stressed the importance of Temples and the Sacredness.  He announced new temples South Africa, Columbia, Democratic Republic of Congo, and Star Valley Wyoming.  The later in the list generated a laugh likely from the fact it seemed odd having it juxtaposed next to so many exotic locations.  He reitreated that progress was being many for a temple in France.  The biggest stir came when he announced that the destroyed Provo Tabernacle will be rebuild as a second temple in Provo.

He also announced the Temple Patron Assistance Fund as a way of getting impoverished members or those who live great distances from temples to the temple for the first time.  Donations can be made on your standard donation form by checking "Other" and specifying this fund.

Jose Alonzo, of the Seventy
Elder  AlonzoStarted about how happiness was found in the teachings of the Savior.  He spoke of how many have lost much joy in life and how they can get it back.  He moved into service and how it brings happiness.  He spoke of how they once almost lost their son and the search for him.  He likened this to non-members or non-active members.  He told how they didn't make a committee or a process to find their son, they just went and did what they knew.  He mentioned how he found his son who had no idea he was lost.  Then he turned this back to our fellow man.  We need to plan less and do more. Was a key element in how to help your fellow man in both temporal and spiritual need.  He stressed that we do not delay giving service.

   
Elder Boyd K. Packer, of the Quorum of the 12 Apostles
Elder Packer gave perhaps the most widely varied talk, touching on many subjects as hedirected his words to the youth of the church. He explained the value of the wisdom of his age for the youth by quoting a poem by John Ciardi titled "About Crows."



ABOUT CROWS
by John Ciardi
The old crow is getting slow;
the young crow is not.
Of what the young crow does not know,
the old crow knows a lot.
At knowing things, the old crow is still
the young crow's master.
What does the old crow not know?
How to go faster.
The young crow flies above, below, and rings
around the slow old crow.
What does the fast young crow not know?
WHERE TO GO.

He then made it clear that the youth in this day are growing up in enemy territory, referencing the decaying morality that is all around us in our day. He reiterated that the family is central to the Lord's plan and referenced the Proclamation on the Family. He stressed that sexual relations are still strictly between husband and wife. He also stressed that even in the greatest of sins, repentance is always available.

He recalled his earlier days when entering the military. He spoke about how he did not have a strong testimony at this time, but that he relied on the testimony of others. Even if he did not know for certain, he knew that they knew that the Gospel was true. He consciously relied on their testimonies to carry him through until he gave his own strong testimony. He used this to demonstrate how relying on our elders and their strength can help the youth.

He pleaded with the youth to follow the leaders of this church. He quoted Amos 3:7 and explained that the leadership of this church is inspired by God and design to bless them to follow the Lord.

He also gave great comfort to the youth by recounting his own thoughts in his younger days when he felt that given the wickedness in the world, that the end must be soon. He told the youth that they can look forward to "doing it right." That they can have children and grandchildren and perhaps even great-grandchildren. That they are not to despair and look forward to the future with hope and faith.

Personal Note: After hearing his talk, I found myself a little sad. I am not making any predictions, but it did feel to me as though he were giving some of those final words that one gives towards the end of their ministry. Perhaps I shouldn't suggest such things as it focuses more on dramatic elements and less on these actual words. 

Pres. Uchtdorf
Pres. Uchtdorf began his remarks by stressing that we heed Elder Packer's guidance as given in his talk. He also gave gratitude for having Pres. Monson as a living prophet.

He then spoke about what he called "the paradox of man." He recounted Moses story in the Pearl of Great Price and how after seeing all of God's creations how Moses realized something he had never realized before; that man was nothing. He then used the Scriptures to demonstrate how God created all these things for us and explained this paradox being that we are nothing compared to God and yet we are everything to God. He explained two different ways that same deceives us. One is by allowing us to use our own wisdom and inventions to believe that we are all there is and that we and our own intellect are great enough that we don't need to believe in God and that in all of the cosmos we are the only thing that matters and our actions carry little impact and so righteousness has no value. The other is by making us believe that we are so meaningless so useless so insignificant that he discourages us into thinking that there is no hope or joy or love for us. He recounted his stories in flight school and the things he did in that small area and how they seem so meaningless and yet now he realizes they were great. He said he knew that if he did the best he could, inclined his heart towards God, and serve his fellow man that God would be there for him.

He stated whether it be marble halls or stable walls, that God knows us, loves us and watches us. That the souls that are gray in the eyes of God will very often be those unknown in history. He then gave us four things to remember. One, God loves the humble and meek. Two, the Lord and trust the fullness of the gospel to the week and simple (quoting D&C 1:19). Three that we are not invisible to our Heavenly Father. Four, our feelings of loneliness or discouragement will not be forever. We should have faith in the Lord and in his promises.


A collection of tweets relating to these talks can be found here.

http://storify.com/swiftj/lds-general-conference-saturday-morning

9 less good tips for Tweeting during General Conference

If you really want good tips for conference go to WBMW's Blog.  If you want to see my ideas before I have taken my medication, then here you go:


Seriously, before you look at these, go here.  Its so much more helpful.



1. Acronyms: Using the letter pronounced like "oh" followed by the letter pronounced "em" followed by "gee" will get you unfollowed fast. Just leave "eff" out to the whole thing.  


2. Repeating exaclty what was spoken is as common as it is annoying.


3. If C. Scott Grow speaks, it is customary to tweet "Grow Scott grow."


4. Yes, Pres. Uchtdorf is rather attractive, but exclamating it on a tweet while he speaks is not only creepy, it likely makes Elder Bednar a bit jealous.


5. Choir memebers sing with different and at times, with unusual expressions.  Keep specific observations to yourself.


6. Acronyms2: If using "GA" let us know if that means "General Authority,""Great and Abominable," or "Georgia."


7. It is unacceptable to tweet "Green Jello Shot" during song interludes.


8. "Tweeting a link to another conference talk or article is implies intelligence. Writing a blog that refernces conference talks and then tweeting that blog before the General Authority, who's talk inspired you to blog, has finished, That's just showing off."


9. Granted, politically liberal Mormons are uncommon, but not extinct. The speakers are not talking politics, don't turn it into politics. Debates about passing laws to move the date of Arbor day are the only known exception.


10. Now go to  real tips on good General Conference tweeting.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Response to Parent of 12 yr old viewing porn repeatedly and against all attempts to prevent it.

When trying to keep a preteen youth from viewing pornography, source removal is not a permanent solution. You have explained the issues of Porn to your son and will continue to do so. If you have made your view clear and he continues to seek it, your son is not only demonstrating a strong interest, but also a early willingness to act on his own for his own purposes. 

Some may disagree with me, but I think you are at a place where you need to focus more on creating strong connections and relationships with him. I think trying to move towards more and more control of his actions is going to be counter productive. There is that time when children are going to act on their own. You hope it's later, but sometimes it's not. I just don't see exerting more guilt, or angry words, or threats as being any more helpful if they haven't helped yet. 

It sounds like you fear his behavior is becoming more compulsive. Often boys of this age get caught in this as a way of seeking expression of desires and interests that they don't fully understand. By working on making a home with more open sharing and safer to express, this will begin to help him to open up about what is happening. What you cannot do is think the problem is solved because the computer is gone or restricted. When you ask what can you DO or SAY to him, you must understand that if his behavior is compulsive, there is no one thing you can likely say or one thing you can do. There have to be on going efforts to increase understanding and to make relationships stronger with your son. There are things you can do to help. 

Some mention the LDS Church's Addiction Recovery Program. I am intimately acquainted with this program and love it. However, I don't know how much benefit a 12 year old will get from sitting with a large group of much older males. 

What I would recommend is attending some of the meetings yourself, if married ask your husband to attend as though he were the person seeking assistance (otherwise another adult male could attend). Learn what it means to share like they share at these meetings. Then take this same practice into your home and do a similar sharing. Work with him on the journal portion and the questions in the program guide. Hold your own family meetings and encourage all to share honestly and openly. This includes yourself as parents. We did this in our home with our children during a time when help was needed. It was very positive and over several months it made matters much better. You may discover things about yourself and how you may be able to change yourself to make it easier for him.

I also think you would find great advice from some speeches given at BYU during their 2003 CyberSecrets program. I have given the URL at the end of this. I highly recommend the writings/presentations of Drs. Dougher, Buxton, Harper, MacArthur, and Moody. The insights are at times counter-intuitive but I can personally attest to the value of their advice. I am also a HUGE fan of Dr. William Glasser, a Psychiatrist and author of "Choice Theory." I love this book and find it in keeping with my own faith.

I want you to know, that as frustrated and alone as you feel in this, you are not. This is an issue affecting so many including, and sometimes I wonder is especially, those of deep religious faith. I also think you should know that as alone as you at times feel in this, your son is feeling the same way just before he indulges and even more so afterwards. It may bother some to hear me tell you to show greater love, empathy, and care, and compassion, but that is what you need to do. I would caution with all my energies to not convey greater feeling of vindictiveness or retribution. 


Whatever guilt you think you can put on this young man, I assure you he feels it already. Adding shame, upon his shame will not help. The idea that you can make somebody dealing with this feel bad enough to stop when they are behaving like it's an addiction is erroneous. This is not just about sexual excitement. It's about finding a place to bury ones negative feelings about themselves and the world. 

I would encourage you to focus on the Savior and his teachings. The LDS Addiction Revocery program guide is wonderful because it does this. It will help you to see how to take this problem and focus it on the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Elder Packer once said, "Focusing on the Principles of the Gospel will change behavior much sooner than focusing on the behavior will change behavior."


And finally, take heart. You have discovered this early. Some men start at this age and don't seek help for 30-40 years. This is good. If you work through this using the principles of faith, hope, and charity, you will learn things about the Atonement and understand it more deeply than you may have otherwise. 

CyberSecrets URL:

LDS Addiction Recovery Program Guide: 

Friday, August 19, 2011

Adoption Fundraising Garage Sale

I have been doing things

I have been silent here, but not elsewhere. I am now involved in Ukranian Adoptions. I am just beginning, but I will use my blog to promote this act of pure love.


While Becky and I get our own house in order adn determine our best direction for international adoption, we continue to do what we can for others curretnly pursuing adoption. It is a challenge and the costs can be discouraging. Those that pursue such adoptions step out on pure faith from the very beginning.

The Bahr Family

One such family is the Bahr family. Jeff and Vira Bahr are pursuing the adoption of Tanya Milova. Tany is a young lady who is nearing the age when she needs to leave the orphanage system in the Ukraine. Without adoption, she faces a very foreboding future. This adoption is time critical. They need to finish the administrative work before Tanya "graduates" the system.

Garage Sale Fundraiser

The Bahrs continue to raise money by working and saving and holding fund raisers likegargage sales. There is one this Saturday, August 20. 2011 in Orem, UT. The address is 391 South 400 West, Orem, UT 84058. This would be a great chance to help out in a worthy cause. You could bring something to donate for sale or come and buy something. You could meet the Bahrs and see just how real and loving and down to earth they are. You can contact the Bahrs at 801.369.9350 or email at vbahr@homerealty.com


Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Letter to my Daughter. July 24, 2011

I hope that this letter is truly a treasure to you as you are a treasure to us.  You bring us such joy and in you I see a willingness to stand for principles in the face of much worry, loneliness, and uncertainty. I wish I had the capacity to take from you all the concerns that come from not knowing what the future holds.  I know the uncertainty about the future gives you much anxiety.
We have spent a large amount of our life worrying about the future and trying to control it.  We have always failed in these attempts.  This is especially true when our desires were for a future that was not the will of the Lord for our family.  We have realized that we are unable to see the future and even less able to control it.
Yet as we have learned to draw near to the Lord in our daily, life we have found his spirit guiding us in our life. While we remain concerned about the future, we find peace in knowing that all our wants are known tot he Lord.  Those things that we ask for in faith, knowing with that faith that what we ask is right, are answered with many blessings.  We have knelt in prayer so many times about the future and our anxieties.  Each time we have found the Lord there telling us that these things are in his hands and we are to focus on the living the Gospel and teaching it to our children.
We tell you this because you are likely reading this at a time in our life when we are considering major changes that will significantly impact the entire family.  This impact will affect you in ways regarding time with us and in having things like money to meet all of your wants.  Many times you have had to be patient in having things that you desired.  That patience may need to be extended if we pursue the path we see before us.  These things can give you much anxiety.  There is so much uncertainty in our life right now.
Yet, in spite of this, we can't help but feel a peace that tells us the future is still in the Lord's hands and all we need to do is press forward according to the guidance of the spirit we have sought.  This is where we will find peace and our troubled hearts will be calmed.
My daughter, you too will find peace in your troubled heart as you strive to seek the spirit each day.  I wish I could tell you your worry will cease forever, but I cannot.  Worry is part of our life.  We live in a time where the world on one hand seems to revel in riotous living and on the other hand trembles in fear from results of this life.  We sit in the middle, as Latter-Day Saints, despised for our beliefs, and yet feeling a certain peace in the  hearts that comes only from the spirit of the Lord.  This life we have chosen brings concern.
But I know that this concern can humble us and will bring us to the Lord and the Lord will bring to us the comfort of the Holy Spirit and he will let us know we are in the right path, doing things for the right reasons.  I feel myself hearing Moroni's challenge to us:
I would commend you to seek this Jesus of whom the prophets and apostles have written, that the grace of God the Father, and also the Lord Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost, which beareth record of them, may be and abide in you forever (Ether 12:41).
This is where our future lies.  This is where our certainty in this uncertain world is found. This is where the anxiety of the heart, mind, and soul are relieved.  It may be the only place where such relief is found. The Savior himself once said, "My peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid (John 14:7)."
We know this to be true.  We leave our witness to you that this is the restored Gospel of Jesus Christ and through it, a peace that the world will never understand is found.
We love you with all our hearts. Your concerns are ours.  Your joys are ours.  Never doubt our love for you.  It simply cannot be diminished by numbers.
Love,
Mom and Dad

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Joy in the Journey, Joy in the Process


 Joy in the Journey, Joy in the Process 


 And thus they were driven forth, three hundred and forty and four days upon the water....And they did sing praises unto the Lord; yea, the brother of Jared did sing praises unto the Lord, and he did thank and praise the Lord all the day long; and when the night came, they did not cease to praise the Lord. -- Ether 6:11, 9

 =================================

The Problem with Goals


The scripture found in Doctrine and Covenants 14:7 is not only one of God’s most spectacular promises, it is also evidence of the value of setting goals. 

And, if you keep my commandments and endure to the end you shall have eternal life, which gift is the greatest of all the gifts of God.

In spite of this and other scriptural passages along with Latter-Day apostolic writings extolling the virtue of goals, I have often questioned their value.  Living the life of an addict, where promise after promise is made and then broken, trying to set goals can really be a downer.  It’s easy to think of them as useless and counterproductive.


Yet, each time I have tried to take the anti-goal position, I only to talk myself back into the value of goals.  I do believe in them.  But within this belief, I think there is something often missed in the concept of setting goals.


I have thought about this as I listen to others frustrated by their own lack of achievement.  I know many who feel a failure in their efforts in spite of being diligent in doing the right things. I know others who  have abandon even trying because they feel they will just not be able to achieve any desirable end result. 

Couch to 5k


I have a goal.  I am in the process of trying to get myself into better physical shape through running.  I have a goal and a plan to reach a 5K run in an eight month period.  It’s not spectacular goal and it’s also a long time to get there.  I haven’t taken off in a lightning fast way. I started by getting used to walking.  I walked to my work and back, a distance of 1.5 miles each way, for two months.  I needed to get conditioned to the feeling of stress on my feet without causing injury to them or my legs and knees. There comes an age where doing too much too fast is just dangerous.  I am nearing that age.


Besides, I have tried things like this before only to abandon them.  I start off great, but then sort of lose my stride. I get distracted; I put the exercise off for another priority, never to return.  The list of reasons why I quit is long and unoriginal. 

The Oft Missed Ingredient


However, going through the addiction recovery process has opened up new perspectives and realizations.  One realization is that I was always focused on the end result. It seems reasonable; I started for the end result.  Isn’t that why I set the goal?  Perhaps, but if the only focus is the end result and some idyllic view of happiness upon reaching it, we miss a great truth about goals.  It’s a truth I missed for many years. That truth is that it’s not so much the goal that matters as it is the process of achieving that goal. Perhaps that sounds like double-talk, but I am convinced that the plan for this life is as much about process as it is the end result.


Consider a person going skiing.  He gets all dressed up and drives to the mountains. He buys a lift ticket and then gets to the top. What would happen if he got to the top of the lift and we just shoved him into a helicopter and dropped him off at the bottom?  Would he be pleased? He reached his goal, after all.   He wanted to get to the bottom and we got him there. But the skier doesn’t want to just reach the bottom of the hill.  He wants to go through the process of getting to the bottom of the hill. 


The goal itself is valuable. But if the only value is the goal we not only miss the point, we end up frustrated. We get frustrated by the difficulty in achieving the goal.  Disappointments early on can challenge our belief and cause us to give up. On the other hand the goal itself may become so important that the achieving it at any cost results in damage exceeding the value from reaching the goal.  


The goal may require others to behave in a way that they choose not to behave, just ask any missionary or mother of a disobedient child. We may seek the goal believing that its achievement will bring some increased happiness only to find it didn’t.  It may be that the process of achieving the goal has brought us greater capacity for joy only we don’t see it as we focused only on the goal as the source of joy.  


What if you had a goal of achieving great wealth and then the next day you won the Powerball Lottery? Did you achieve your goal?  I understand that you wanted wealth and now you have it, but did you achieve it? What did you lose by reaching your goal without going through the process? There are many sad examples of this exact thing happening.

The Process is to reach the End. The End is the Process.


For me, getting used to putting my feet on pavement was a first step.  It was a small goal in itself.  I derived no measurable achievement doing this.  It would have been so easy to think this is ridiculous and that I will never get to this goal. That would have resulted in a feeling of futility and ultimately justified my abandonment. But I thought about what I have learned in my recovery process.  I learned that I am in this for the long term.  I learned that I am not here just for the end results.  I am here for the whole journey.  When I started, my only real goal was to create a habit. In short, my goal was to begin my process.


LDS theology has a number of stories that really illustrate the value of the process.  My personal favorite is Lehi’s sons getting the brass plates.  These are four young, naïve men, trying to take on a wicked and cunning man of the world. In a battle of their wits, Laban is older, smarter, and much more practiced and getting the best of the other party.  He will not be persuaded, he will not be bought.  He will counter on any perceived threat and he will plunder whenever he senses weakness. 

Lehi’s sons are outmatched. The result is a complete fiasco of failed persuasions false accusations, and an embarrassing loss of all their wealth. It’s really sad at first. Then after you have read the story enough times, it morphs into comical. 


Yes, the story is inspirational and I love Nephi’s faith. My favorite line in this whole telling is when Nephi went on his own a third time saying “I was led by the spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do.”  This is an absolute showing of faith. But it is also about the only option Nephi has apart from giving up.  They had exhausted their resources and ideas and all had failed.  Nephi either had to give up and go home empty handed or walk out on pure faith. 


The result was a successful venture that  would be the source for 600 years of preparation for the coming of the Savior. 

Nephi's School


In spite of the resulting success in the mission to obtain the plates, I have asked myself many times, why this path to get the plates?  Why send the sons and not the father who would have been more persuasive and wise?  Why leave Jerusalem first and then go back to get the plates?  Why not devise a plan to take the plates on the way out?  I am sure God could have delayed their enemies for a bit.  I am positive he could have put the plates in their belongings as they fled just as he placed the Liahona outside  Lehi’s tent.  Why does the path in recorded in 1 Nephi 3 and 4 become the path?


I ask similar questions when they get sent back to pick up Ishmael and his sons and maiden daughters. I believe the why question in these stories is worth pondering. I also think the answers eluded me when I focused only on the end result.  It now seems to clear to me that the Lord wanted more than the plates or the brides.  He wanted the sons of Lehi to go through the process of getting them.


Consider Nephi, the youngest of the four brothers living in a time of strict patriarchal hierarchies. The oldest, Laman, is a malcontent and disobedient.  He has the birthright of the firstborn and the natural role of the family leader.  However, Nephi has been told very early on that he will be the leader of the people (see 1 Nephi, Chapter 2).  This will not be easy.  Laman will not give up his birthright.  Nephi must learn how to stand up to his brothers without his father’s intervention.


 As the oldest, Laman held the authority of his father. When he failed to get the plates, he could have insisted they give up and the others would have felt to follow him as the leader.  So the youngest stepping up and saying not till they have accomplished the Lord’s commandments is by itself a bold move, probably a mutinous one in Laman’s view. When Nephi’s plan fails, Laman doesn’t hesitate to put Nephi back in his place by brute force and risk of death.  Only an angel of God chastising Laman and is enough to stop him.


In accomplishing this mission, Nephi learns the following:

  1. How to stand up to his older brothers (Excepting Sam).
  2. How dangerous his brothers can be (Excepting Sam).
  3. How to act on faith and inspiration even if the task is horrifying.
  4. How to trust in God’s protection.
  5. How to not give up even when facing futility.


It was a type of leadership bootcamp that would set Nephi’s mind and heart firm when it came to missions of faith.  It was always more than the goal. It was also about what Nephi would become as a result of pursuing the goal.  

The Other School of the Prophets


In our church history we see Zion’s Camp as another example.  This one is interesting because they never met their objective.  Pride and contention amongst the camp ultimately proved them unprepared for the type of redemption the Lord had in mind.  It is easy to see the process as a total failure. It is also easy to see the explanation as a cop-out if all one thinks of the goal as the only source of value.  But if we see the process as equally important, then we know that Zion’s camp did fill an objective.  Much of the future leadership of the church had their roots in Zion’s camp.  The participants, like Nephi, were schooled in a way that a classroom desk just cannot duplicate.  


The LDS pioneers crossing the plains purged their dross and proved their metal as they endured the long trek.  Even greater faith was needed to stop in the Salt Lake Valley and settle there. Through all of this, a people willing to work to keep their religion alive and their faith strong have been the bedrock of the devotion of this church.

Acquisition vs. Eradication


I think this concept of understanding the process is often better practiced with acquisition goals, that is, goals for acquiring something.  Athletic medals, academic awards, Duty to God/Youg Women’s Recognition, mission calls, missionary baptisms, temple recommends, temple marriages, etc. all are acquisition based. Eradication goals, goals designed to remove something we dislike in us, are more challenging.  I think this is because it is easier to grasp the idea that there are benefits in pursuing a worthwhile acquisition goal.  Even if the goal takes time and effort, even if we don’t quite reach it, we still might realize the value of it’s pursuit.


Eradication goals on the other hand come with a feeling of desperation and desire for immediacy.  We want the ugliness in us removed.  It causes us sorrow, pain and self-loathing and we want it gone as now.  Every time we fail to completely remove it, we add frustration to our pain.  Addicts feel this all the time. We look for the magic formula or the perfect scripture or talk to turn us around with the same immediacy of Alma the Younger.  What many must understand is that, like acquisition goals, eradication goals also have a process.  The Process includes learning to trust and lean on the Lord, something most of us have never understood.  The process includes confessions and reparations and learning humility. It is not an overnight achievement. It is not a matter of patching a hole in a road, but rather rebuilding completely new routes designed to keep us near the Lord. It is not a helicopter ride to the bottom of the hill.  It is a process of getting there that matters the most.  

Conclusion and Commencement


If the process is to reach the end, then one must also understand the end is the process.  This realization is not new; it is ancient. It was stated much in much more clear terms and a with a greater spirit by the Apostle James:  

What doth it profit, my brethren, though a man say he hath faith, and have not works? can faith save him?...Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone. Yea, a man may say, Thou hast faith, and I have works: shew me thy faith without thy works, and I will shew thee my faith by my works (James 14:17-18).

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Fictionist. - A Band Formed at BYU and on the Verge of Breaking Out.

Let's change the tone of the blog for a week.

This is Fictionist 

They're musicians out of BYU.  I love their sound.  They have some old school guitar bending styles that merge with a hipster style.  If you don't know what that means, don't worry about it.  Just go to the page listen to some tracks and rate them at 5 stars.  I mean wouldn't you like to see some talented, super nice guys from the Y on the cover of the Rolling Stone?  It's part of the new revolution!


Monday, March 28, 2011

My Journey Into the Thoughts of a Mormon Woman - Part 2: Immeasurable Motherhood.

 
 

If in this life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all men most miserable. - 1 Corinthians 15:19

Latter-Day Saints are cautioned against using the standards of the world as the measurement of ourselves. The standards of excellence in our day are so low and the standards are based on worldly acquisitions and desires of the flesh. They disregard Eternal principles as a source of measurement.

Additionally we are warned against measuring ourselves against others as this can lead to pride and arrogance on one end of the spectrum or self-loathing and shame on the other. This is much more easily said than done.

Even if we should be cautious in our tools of measurement, the act of measuring is definitely something found in much of our church functions. We keep rolls for attendance, record payments of tithes and offerings, we measure vital factors in the progress and performance of missionary work. The culture of measured performance can be found in many areas. My personal favorite comes from BYU Devotionals when they invariably read a curriculum vitae of the speaker and extol their accomplishments.

We cannot escape some worldly yardsticks as a measure of a man. Upon entering the workforce, men face performance reviews and will strive to achieve what is sought after by his superiors. There is hope in every man that they will perform at a level that will merit continued employment and, hopefully, increased wages.

In our difficult economy, I have known many who have lost their jobs and I have seen how it devastates them.  It's not just the economic stress they feel, it's their loss of self worth that really kills them. Providing for the family is what they are supposed to do; it defines them. The loss of that ability cuts to the core of how they define themselves. I know one devout Mormon who, after losing his job decided to stop going to the temple. He went nearly every week prior to losing his job. He simply felt unworthy to attend having now been rendered unable to provide for his family for many months.

It seems silly to me as I state it, but would I feel any different upon the loss of my job, especially with a verse like 1 Timothy 5:8 hovering over me? It is a struggle because the principal tool by which men measure themselves has been taken away. They can’t even be counted worthy of measure.

It's easy to say at we need to be cautious of this; but so long as we value measurements, we will seek them and many will come from worldly standards.

There is no doubt that the working woman is equally interested in success in these same areas. And uses the same form of measurement and if it lost would feel the same sense of despair. So if both men and women rely on this, what happens to the person whose work does not come with the capacity for measurement.

There is a common belief that the benefits of motherhood are immeasurable. This means that what motherhood does for the child, the father, the family, and all of society is beyond anything that we can comprehend. We can't begin to measure it's greatness. I fully agree with this. But in this greatness a challenge exists. If a woman chooses a life of full time motherhood, how can she measure her own worth? How should she measure it? What tools of measurement are to be found?

Is it in the choices of the children? This is difficult where free agency is a factor. Is it in the clean home or the home-cooked meal? What is the measure of a woman dedicated to serving her family?

This is the first question I found in the letter from my reader friend. After she details her achievements prior to motherhood, which were many, she details her life as a mother, cooking, cleaning, nurturing and so on. The challenge presented is not the disbelief that these are the right thing to do, but in the disbelief that there is any measurable achievement in for these.

Next, she compares her life to my life as a working professional. I could go into my Priesthood meeting and say to myself "I am the best in my profession of all in this room" and likely be right. Can she do the same? Can she walk into a room of full time mothers at Relief Society and say, "I am the best mom in this group" and be equally confident? Perhaps she shouldn't even do so. But then what is the unit of measurement?

Is it any wonder that it is common for the women of the church to try to hide their flawed selves as they see the other seemingly perfect women of the ward, who are also hiding their flawed selves, and fear they will not measure up?

And what role do I play as a man in helping to foster this problem?

The comparison of her work and mine above may not seem fair. If I examine my worth as a professional and the woman examines her worth as a mother, wouldn't it be better to compare my worth as a father? Perhaps, but how many of us fathers truly separate our worth as professionals from our worth as fathers?

This was made clear to me a number of years back when after going through some depression and seeking counseling. After several visits, he brought to my attention two things, one I repeatedly stated that my family was greatest thing I valued, but all my evidences of my worth as a person came from professional achievements outside of the family. How could I value one so much but seek only to achieve so significantly in the other and not feel internally conflicted.

I would like to say I immediately realigned my priorities. But it has taken years and more counseling and group meetings to begin to realign my thoughts and actions. I, like the man who lost his job, behave as though my ability as a working professional is my spiritual contribution as a father. When I state this, I see the whole fallacy the belief, but I continue to act in this manner.

There are probably a number of different reasons for this, but I am beginning to see that a major reason is that I can see immediate measurable results of my work. It arrives in my account no less than twice a month. This excludes praises from superiors, peers, and clients. It doesn't factor in awards, evaluations, bonuses, and promotions. When you add the whole package together, you can see why a man loses himself in his job even though he has a family. Yes there is the stress of a providing for them, but there are many awards beyond this. A look around will show you rather clearly that such immediacy of return in work is simply not there in the caring for a home.

If I do not examine fatherhood outside the realm of my profession, I may be creating a culture in my own home that makes it all the more difficult to feel any sense of accomplishment in motherhood. For I will think that if I can find accomplishment in my work, then so can she. This is most unfair. First of all, I have a much, much wider set of options. I chose my career and my education path for it. I even chose a new path when I felt unfulfilled in my former path. I have even sought employment that provides many different activities and options to avoid the repetition of daily duties.

Full time motherhood provides very few opportunities for variety and no opportunities for change apart from the abdicating of it's duties. My attitude  may be creating a loss of self-worth without doing any overtly demeaning. Even if I am not criticizing, or complaining about the home, which I do not do (I think), just treating my wife's daily life as though it operates under the same paradigms as mine is enough to create unhappiness.

As a father and husband I see that it is also critical that I provide a source of measurable achievement. I will need to ask her about the day, get the details and make sure the achievements are pointed out. It might be helpful to provide an occasional reward; a special night out from her imagination, not mine. As a father and husband it is critical I not only acknowledge such things, it is critical that I believe they are of worth.

As a father and husband it becomes critical that I involve myself more deeply in helping out in the home. Not only for the easing of burdens, but also for the appreciation of the effort expended. My wife is a genius at the dishes; we have no dishwasher. I do them on occasion when my wife gets behind in her work. It takes me two hours. She does them in under 30 minutes. In this world I am an incompetent apprentice, she is the master craftsman. It may not sound like much, and in fact it may not feel like much to her, but my inability recognize her personal genius is only increasing dissatisfaction exponentially.

I am sure the are many other things I can do as a husband and father. I hope to ponder these things and become better at making the experience worthwhile.

One thing is clear above all others as I consider this subject. I have heard over and over again that motherhood is as close as a person gets touching God. I have always considered this to be because of the work done in raising and training a child to be righteous and faithful is working part of God's own plan. I still believe that. But I now see that the very act of choosing motherhood is perhaps the greatest leap of faith that can be made. Continuing to serve in this capacity is to continue to step out on faith every day. To perform tasks dutifully that provide little extra in the way of temporal rewards for the sake of bringing up a family to the Lord may be one of the greatest demonstrations of faith.

My reader friend continues devoted to her work. Her rant does not reflect a continual attitude about being a mom. It encompasses what makes the calling so challenging at times. But in spite of these moments, her devotion to the Lord and to her family continues without wavering. I am grateful that she could be so candid and yet so hopefully devoted.

For the moment, I can recognize what immeasurable motherhood means, both in terms of it's challenges and blessings. Then I need to do what I can to help add some joy to it.

I am, however, convinced now more than ever that those who undertake to be full time mothers are the most beloved and faithful of all of God's children for what they do, they do with the hope of a return that may not be fully realized till the eternities are theirs for an inheritance.  As a Father I should step out more into this great faith.

I hope that in the near future I may find many ways to make this, the greatest of callings, more enjoyable in in this life. The suggestion box remains open.