As an addict involved in the LDS Addiction Recovery Program, I had to dig deep to find and embrace my inner Mormon. What follows is my journal from this point forward.

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Recovery Journal 20120705

Write about how recognizing your helplessness to overcome your addiction on your own can bring you to admit your own nothingness and become as a little child.

Sometimes I wonder what I am supposed to be. Am I to be self-sufficient, self-reliant as I am sometimes taught, or am I to be completely dependent and unable to do anything myself as I am sometimes taught.  Am I one or the other? I am supposed to exercise self-control and self-discipline and be self-governing?. The problem is that these terms suggest that I achieve these abilities on my own. The illusion is that I have mastered myself.  The reality is the Lord has mastery over me by my allowing him to take control over my life.  I believe this may the the need for all of us, but it is more pronounced for addicts. The addict is loses all self-management.  Thus the addict must admit not only loss of power over self, but accept that only the power of God can restore them.  I don't know if all people need to recognize this helplessness.  Maybe most saints already do so. I do know that I need to always be aware of it because anything less is when I try to put my trust in me and I my failures to solve this myself are well documented. Cursed is he that putteth his trust in flesh or maketh flesh his arm (2 Nephi 4).

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