Recovery Journal - What Must I Do tthat I may be Born of God

The King said...what shall I do that I may be born of God, having this wicked spirit rooted out of my breast, and receive his Spirit, that I may be fill with joy...The king did bow down before the Lord, upon his knees; yea, even did he prostrate himself upon the earth, and cried mightily saying: "Oh God...I will give away all my sins to know thee ans that I may be raised from the dead and be saved at the last day."
--- Alma 22:15, 17-18

What obstacles-including attitudes and feelings-keep you from givving away all your sins and more fully receiving the Spirit of the Lord

The King of the Lamanites, Lamoni, tells a story that is as wonderful as it is incredulous. It's not that I don't believe the story, I know that given its place in the Book of Mormon it is true. The events are the type that seem only happen in the ancient world. Such things do not seem to happen today, so for me, the truth is more in the meaning of the experience and less in the actual events. While I have never held to such miraculous events being needed for a testimony, such a conversion of a person or a people or other miracle would be nice to experience. Perhaps as we become less of the lukewarm people of modern days and more of the dichotomy seen in the Book of Mormon, then our faith will become great enough for such miracles.

For the time being I am grateful for the kindness of the Lord in giving me the small miracles of the subtle changes of our heart and the continued miracle of his grace and forgiveness. These are the miracles I really need and the ones that make a difference in my life today. I am not like Lamoni, my ability to give all my sins as he was willing to do does not exist. I am not certain even my willingness to give them exists. To this extent I may be permanently on step six in my recovery,  never fully becoming ready have the Lord remove all my character weaknesses.

I usually keep my writing with the steps we focus on for the week, but I am thinking I really need to put my heart and time into step 6. I pray that I may find a level of trust and humility to abandon attitudes that keep me from fully accepting the love of God into my heart.

I have been less ambitious in my journaling lately. I have been obsessed with my business projects that require completion before payment. I am behind. I am too slow at this work. I need to seek help from the Lord on this and become willing to lay it aside for my commitments to my recovery.

During one of the meetings, a brother and sister attended. Both want to remove these weaknesses. Both want to be free from addiction. I want it for them, but I confess not feeling a lot of hope for them. Mainly because each statement for wanting to change came with qualifiers. They talked about how friends and even their places of residence impact them. I honestly feel that before they will be able to experience sobriety both of these will be sacrificed. I hope they will do so. They definitely seemed to be uncommitted, and I knew I needed to focus my thoughts on the Love of God to ensure I kept my heart charitable for them. I still need to be less judgmental and careful about how I view others. It is a place where pride could fester.

But I did think about the unwillingness they seemed to express as the qualified their desire to change. I wonder what unwillingness I have that I use to qualify my desire for a change of heart. I should take time and ponder this meaning.

Recovery Journal, 20120704 - All I can do.

Write about how recognizing your helplessness to overcome your addiction on your own can bring you to admit your own nothingness and become as a little child.

I don't know that I can fully explain what this means. I know that to declare myself unable to handle addictions on my own is to admit something that has been thought of as undesirable in my upbringing. "I can achieve anything" is something of a mantra in our family and we have demonstrated it from time to time. Yet I now see that in so doing, I neglect the greatest power for change in my life.

I don't know if I will ever be able to give all glory to God and acknowledge him in all things, even though this is considered one of the things that offends God (D&C 59:21). Even when coming thorugh the power of the Atonement and achieving sobriety, I have felt to pat myself on the back. Even if I acknowledge God's hand in all of this, I cannot say that I gave him full credit. I do look at it as my achievement.

Today we read Mosiah Chapter 2 as a family. As I read it, I felt a need to repent. What reason have I to boast? I can merit nothing of myself. Like Ammon and his brotheren,like the converted Lamanites, I feel that all I can do is repent. After this, I have to put all things in his hands. All the other things I do, prayer, scriptures, writing, reading in my ARP manual all are designed to remind me of my need to rely on the Lord and exercise faith in him. I am helpless after this. That may not be so bad.

Recovery Journal 20120704

O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever. I will not put my trust in the arm of flesh; for I know that cursed is he that putteth his trust in the arm of flesh. Yea, cursed is he that putteth his trust in man or maketh flesh his arm.  2 Nephi 4:34

In the ARP manual, We are asked questions about Nephi's lament as recorded in 2 Nephi 4.  What I find is that this chapter gives us a pattern of returning often to the Lord.  Nephi finds himself in sorrow for his own sins and yet he also makes it clear where his hope lies.  He laments his weakness, remembers the Lord and then returns to him.


Oh Wretched Man that I am (verse 17)...Nevertheless I know in whom I have trusted (verse 19)...O Lord, I have atrusted in thee, and I will btrust in thee forever (Verse 34).


In between verse 19 and 34, is Nephi doing what the Book of Mormon tells us to do over and over, he is remembering. He recalls what the Lord has done and the blessings he has received. He bears witness to himself of the Lord. In doing so he finds the power to return to the Lord.


To see this pattern is to give me such great comfort and joy and to know that I too can follow this pattern and return to the Lord again.  When asked what can I do to put my trust in the Lord, I answer,  I need to begin by making prayer a daily thing.  I need to make daily paryer a more heartfelt thing.  I need to pray to the Lord as though my survival depends on him as I believe it does.  The time has come to be desperate for the Lord in my life.  I need to beg as the citizens under King Benjamin's reign did.  I need to be more than I am by being less than I think myself to be.  I need to humble myself and look to the Lord for all things.


My days have been going very well lately.  I must not slacken my grip to the iron rod. I must not think that momentum will carry me.  I must not give myself credit.  It is all I can do to remember to repent and call on the name of the Lord.  I must remember my own repentant pattern long before I find myself being pulled into my addiction.  I must remember how the Lord has blessed me.

My Summary of Sat. afternoon session of General Conference - October 2011

Elder David A. Bednar of the Quorum of the 12 Apostles
Elder Bednar spoke about the need for family history and Temple work. He began his talk speaking of spiritual priorities as seen in the restoration. And demonstrated how this made it clear that family history was to be a priority in our lives. He then focuses attention on to the youth. He explained that family history was not restricted to a specific age and that in fact, given that family history is now centered around information technology, and that social networking has prepared the use to be the leaders in family history.

The most impactful part of his talk was the story of two Aaronic Priesthood young men who were assigned to teach a family history course in their Ward. He explained how they both became interested in family history and diligent in performing it. He also explained how this example and others show that the youth can be leaders in doing family history and even teaching older people how to do family history and how to handle the new technologies surrounding it. He encouraged leaders to help teach you the importance of family history. He also cautioned leaders to not over program this or make the teaching over detailed. Showing the use the tools found at LDS.org should be sufficient.

Elder Bednar are reinforced the need for family history as a vital part of our exaltation. It's not just an interesting program created by the church. It is a critical part of the plan of salvation.

Neil L. Anderson of the Quorum of the 12 Apostles
Elder Anderson directed his talks on the importance of family and specifically the importance of having children. He made it clear that these commandments to be fruitful and multiply are not forgotten. It is part of the plan for us in our lives and marriage and child-rearing is an important part of that plan. He stated that motherhood is not a hobby like stamp collecting. It's not something that you do if you have some extra time, it is the reason God gave you time. He emphasized that the decision on the number of children to have is a matter between the couple and the Lord. It should be discussed and taken seriously and the decision should be made prayerfully.

He also cautioned members about judging others who do not have children or large families. He especially gave comfort to those who want to have families but cannot. He told the story of a couple who were unable to have children for 25 years until they were able to adopt two children.

Elder Ian Arderm of the Seventy
Elder Arderm taught us on the importance of making good use of time. He focused his talk on using time to give service and to not waste time. He especially put emphasis on new technologies such as social networking and texting that may seem like we are being busy but in fact become an addictive habit that is unproductive. He stressed that we should not let these things replace real relationships and serving our fellow man. He discussed taking our time wasting habits and learning to grind them to dust. He concluded with a charge to balance our time between serving the Lord, our family, work, and wholesome recreational activities.

Elder Carl B. Cook of the Seventy
Elder Cook began by recounting an experience as a Seventy and looking at the floor while in an elevator only to have Pres. Monson entering and tell him it's better to look up. He used this to express Pres. Monson's commitment to always look to God and that we should take this lesson and follow it. He addressed the question as to why is it so hard to look to God and answer it by explaining that at times we may not believe that the answer can be found simply by looking to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. He recounted the story of Moses and the serpents and Alma's retelling of the story and how many perished simply because they would not look at the staff. He so mentioned that looking up is not a one-time experience and that we have to have both a hearing ear and a seeing eye to look to the Lord.

Elder LeGrand Curtis of the Seventy
Elder Curtis focused on the role of Jesus Christ and his title as Redeemer. He spoke about redemption as a way of purchasing us from the bondage of sin and mentioned the effect of redemption including overcoming physical death, and spiritual death. He told us that not only do those who have committed serious sin need the redemption, but those who have always strived to live a good life also need it.

Elder D. Todd Christoffersen of the Quorum of the 12 Apostles
Elder Christoffersen reviewed Book of Mormon stories about Nehor and Korihor and their relevance in our day. He talked about the deception of these two individuals. One taught that because God created all of us he will redeem all of us regardless of our actions. The other taught that there was no sin and that we relied only on our own selves and our own intelligence. He likened this to the teachings in our day and how these falsehoods can be appealing because they allow us to justify anything, but are not the teachings of the Lord. He stressed that repentance is crucial and that we need to both repent and preach repentance.

He talked about repentance being a joyful doctrine and that we should teach it with a smile and that it should be received with joy. He explained that repentance was both refraining from sin and turning to the Lord through obedience. He declared that those who believe that salvation requires no effort on our part make a mockery of all of the suffering the Savior endured. If he was going to do so much can we not do what little we can do to show our devotion to him? He also explained that repentance is not superficial; that is not simply a matter of saying I admit I did that and I'm sorry. He said that repentance causes deep emotional desires to change and that confessing and forsaking sins are powerful and sometimes agonizing concepts. He gave words of comfort that the despair of sin repentance brings redemption, and that despair becomes hope.

Elder L. Tom Perry of the Quorum of the 12 Apostles
Elder Perry spoke about how much information about the church is being spread in the media today. How many people are writing and talking about our faith. He stated that we are receiving more attention than ever and that with the Internet, we are able to reach more people than ever and share the message of who we are. He spoke about how there are changes in the way we communicate and how these changes can be used to spread the message about the church.

He explained that while there is much good being written about us, there is still much misinformation out there. He mentioned that many people have been raised with negative preconceptions about the church. He said that we can do much to help dispel these faults perceptions. He said that we must be bold in our testimony of Jesus Christ; that we need to let others know that he is our Savior and our redeemer and the son of God and that the   gospel is centered around him. He said that we must be righteous examples to others; that we need to engage in doing good and by doing so let our light so shine. He said that we must speak up about the church; that our speech the should be a two-way conversation. We should speak about our faith but also question others about theirs. We do not need to put some sort of spin on our faith but speak clearly and honestly and directly.

You can view a collection of tweets relating to conference here

http://storify.com/swiftj/saturday-afternoon-session

My Summary of Sat. morning session of General Conference, October 2011

Elder Richard G. Scott, of the Quorum of the 12 Apostles

Elder Scott spoke about the importance of the scriptures, both reading and memorizing them. He pointed out all scriptures are important to study, including the Old Testament.  He likened the studying to having a filing cabinet full of friends and advice.

He also spoke about Charity, quoting Paul (Moroni 7 if you choose).

 

Sister Barbara Thompson, RS Counselor
Sister Thompson themed her words around revelation and testimony.  She talked about how it can bless you during times of trial.  Her retelling of a captive who when asked how she kept her testimony stated, "I didn't keep my testimony during those times, my testimony kept me."  She spoke about revelation being mainly about impressions and not about audible speech, a message that would be reiterated by Elder Packer. She also stressed that just because you have a strong testimony now does not mean it will always be so.  We must continue to nourish it and keep it strong and growing.

   

 Elder L. W. Clayton, of the Seventy

 Recounted the amazing growth of the church and offered explanations that were centered in prophecy.  He quoted Daniel 2 and Joseph Smith - History.   He explained that this work is not the work of man but the work of God.  While we recognize and honor Joseph Smith as the prophet who restored the gospel, it is not about him or any one person.  It is the fact that this work is the work of the almighty God and his Son.  He paraphrased a quote about the once all emcompassing British empire and likened it to the work of the lord saying, that the sun never sets on the work of the Lord or his people.

Pres. Monson

The President gave a relatively short talk.  He spoke about the busy nature of their work and where they have been. It had been centered around temple dedications and redidications. He then stressed the importance of Temples and the Sacredness.  He announced new temples South Africa, Columbia, Democratic Republic of Congo, and Star Valley Wyoming.  The later in the list generated a laugh likely from the fact it seemed odd having it juxtaposed next to so many exotic locations.  He reitreated that progress was being many for a temple in France.  The biggest stir came when he announced that the destroyed Provo Tabernacle will be rebuild as a second temple in Provo.

He also announced the Temple Patron Assistance Fund as a way of getting impoverished members or those who live great distances from temples to the temple for the first time.  Donations can be made on your standard donation form by checking "Other" and specifying this fund.

Jose Alonzo, of the Seventy

Elder  AlonzoStarted about how happiness was found in the teachings of the Savior.  He spoke of how many have lost much joy in life and how they can get it back.  He moved into service and how it brings happiness.  He spoke of how they once almost lost their son and the search for him.  He likened this to non-members or non-active members.  He told how they didn't make a committee or a process to find their son, they just went and did what they knew.  He mentioned how he found his son who had no idea he was lost.  Then he turned this back to our fellow man.  We need to plan less and do more. Was a key element in how to help your fellow man in both temporal and spiritual need.  He stressed that we do not delay giving service.

   

Elder Boyd K. Packer, of the Quorum of the 12 Apostles

Elder Packer gave perhaps the most widely varied talk, touching on many subjects as hedirected his words to the youth of the church. He explained the value of the wisdom of his age for the youth by quoting a poem by John Ciardi titled "About Crows."

ABOUT CROWS
by John Ciardi
The old crow is getting slow;
the young crow is not.
Of what the young crow does not know,
the old crow knows a lot.
At knowing things, the old crow is still
the young crow's master.
What does the old crow not know?
How to go faster.
The young crow flies above, below, and rings
around the slow old crow.
What does the fast young crow not know?
WHERE TO GO.

He then made it clear that the youth in this day are growing up in enemy territory, referencing the decaying morality that is all around us in our day. He reiterated that the family is central to the Lord's plan and referenced the Proclamation on the Family. He stressed that sexual relations are still strictly between husband and wife. He also stressed that even in the greatest of sins, repentance is always available.

He recalled his earlier days when entering the military. He spoke about how he did not have a strong testimony at this time, but that he relied on the testimony of others. Even if he did not know for certain, he knew that they knew that the Gospel was true. He consciously relied on their testimonies to carry him through until he gave his own strong testimony. He used this to demonstrate how relying on our elders and their strength can help the youth.

He pleaded with the youth to follow the leaders of this church. He quoted Amos 3:7 and explained that the leadership of this church is inspired by God and design to bless them to follow the Lord.

He also gave great comfort to the youth by recounting his own thoughts in his younger days when he felt that given the wickedness in the world, that the end must be soon. He told the youth that they can look forward to "doing it right." That they can have children and grandchildren and perhaps even great-grandchildren. That they are not to despair and look forward to the future with hope and faith.

Personal Note: After hearing his talk, I found myself a little sad. I am not making any predictions, but it did feel to me as though he were giving some of those final words that one gives towards the end of their ministry. Perhaps I shouldn't suggest such things as it focuses more on dramatic elements and less on these actual words. 

Pres. Uchtdorf

Pres. Uchtdorf began his remarks by stressing that we heed Elder Packer's guidance as given in his talk. He also gave gratitude for having Pres. Monson as a living prophet.

He then spoke about what he called "the paradox of man." He recounted Moses story in the Pearl of Great Price and how after seeing all of God's creations how Moses realized something he had never realized before; that man was nothing. He then used the Scriptures to demonstrate how God created all these things for us and explained this paradox being that we are nothing compared to God and yet we are everything to God. He explained two different ways that same deceives us. One is by allowing us to use our own wisdom and inventions to believe that we are all there is and that we and our own intellect are great enough that we don't need to believe in God and that in all of the cosmos we are the only thing that matters and our actions carry little impact and so righteousness has no value. The other is by making us believe that we are so meaningless so useless so insignificant that he discourages us into thinking that there is no hope or joy or love for us. He recounted his stories in flight school and the things he did in that small area and how they seem so meaningless and yet now he realizes they were great. He said he knew that if he did the best he could, inclined his heart towards God, and serve his fellow man that God would be there for him.

He stated whether it be marble halls or stable walls, that God knows us, loves us and watches us. That the souls that are gray in the eyes of God will very often be those unknown in history. He then gave us four things to remember. One, God loves the humble and meek. Two, the Lord and trust the fullness of the gospel to the week and simple (quoting D&C 1:19). Three that we are not invisible to our Heavenly Father. Four, our feelings of loneliness or discouragement will not be forever. We should have faith in the Lord and in his promises.


A collection of tweets relating to these talks can be found here.

http://storify.com/swiftj/lds-general-conference-saturday-morning