And now the Spirit of the Lord doth say unto me: Commandthy children to do good, lest they lead away the hearts of many people to destruction; therefore I command you, my son, in the fear of God, that ye refrain from your iniquities;
That ye turn to the Lord with all your mind, might, and strength; that ye lead away the hearts of no more to do wickedly; but rather return unto them, and acknowledge your faults and that wrong which ye have done. -- Alma 39:12-13
Of all the things I worry about regarding my sins and addictions, none worries me more than how many people have I led away. Whether by luring others into behaviors, creating an environment others could be susceptible to my weakness, or just being a bad example and thus turning others off to my faith, facing the knowledge of others who have been led away by me is a pain I fear greatly.
I think this alone should make me a more assertive missionary. I truly do not want another person to ever leave this faith because of me. I pray that my life may from here on out be the type of life that brings people into the gospel. I fear this is a greater task. My personality and perspectives are so often outside the box. I really try not to be non-conformist, but I am. I have always been.
I am orthodox in my faith. I sustain the Prophet and all other leaders. I read the scriptures. I am becoming more diligent and delighting more in prayer. I am sure many view me as a classic white bread Mormon. Yet there are others who wonder what gremlins dance in my head to give me some of the responses to situations I have given. I often feel like a man without a country.
This is a great place for self-pity and I must always be wary of it. Even so, I have wondered whether or not most, if not all members feel this way from time to time. I may not be the only one. I wonder how I can therefore make others feel like they belong. I should ponder this more.