As an addict involved in the LDS Addiction Recovery Program, I had to dig deep to find and embrace my inner Mormon. What follows is my journal from this point forward.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Step 6 - Recovery Journal

“If men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them” (Ether 12:27).

Being mortal and imperfect, we are all subject to  many weaknesses. In this verse, the Lord explains  His purpose in allowing us to experience mortality  and to encounter such weaknesses—to help us be  humble. Notice, though, that we choose to humble  ourselves. How is becoming ready in step 6 part of  humbling yourself?

Step 6 requires humility if you are going to be honest with yourself.  I may ask God to remove my shortcomings in Step 7, but if I do so with reservation, or unwillingness, then Step 7 ineffective. To me Step 7 seems to be asking for perfection.  It is a challenge I am worried about.  I am told we cannot achieve perfection in this life, but it seems that is the intent of step 7.  I feel like I cannot really move to this step without truly becoming ready and I still do not feel ready.  Step 6 is about humbling myself.  It is about really becoming aware of my weaknesses and my inability to remove them on my own in spite of my desires to do so.  I am not certain I even have the desire yet. I have things I do not perceive as weaknesses, but if I were fully honest, are just that. I am needing to focus on taking steps to avoid things that allow my weaknesses to grow and control me.

Chief among these is my passion for argumentation and political discourse.  It has absorbed me over the past months and in this season of very bitter and nasty things being said, mostly against a man I admire deeply and who invested much to help this country get back on the right track, it is hard for me to keep my mouth shut or my anger in check.  I feel I checked my religion at the door as Elder Holland spoke about during a recent BYU devotional.  I need to return to full kindness and gentleness.  I need to let this go if I am unable to manage my words or emotions.  Yet I haven’t even wanted to.  I took myself out of social networks and am going to consider a permanent disconnect.

This is just one example of things I don’t treat as weaknesses, but bind me down.

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