As an addict involved in the LDS Addiction Recovery Program, I had to dig deep to find and embrace my inner Mormon. What follows is my journal from this point forward.

Friday, November 9, 2012

Obstacles that Keep Me from Giving All My Sins Away

“The king said . . . what shall I do that I may be born of God, having this wicked spirit rooted out of my breast, and receive his Spirit, that I may be filled with joy. . . . I will give up all that I possess . . . that I may  receive this great joy. . . .  “. . . The king did bow down before the Lord, upon  his knees; yea, even he did prostrate himself upon  the earth, and cried mightily, saying:  “O God . . . I will give away all my sins to know thee,  and that I may be raised from the dead, and be  saved at the last day” (Alma 22:15, 17–18).  

Reread Alma 22:15, 17–18 carefully. What obstacles—  including attitudes and feelings—keep  you from giving away “all [your] sins” and more  fully receiving the Spirit of the Lord?

There is certainly an addiction to time wasting in my life.  As I have moved away from indulging in my addiction, I have found other, less damaging activities that would fill that time.  None of them are very productive.  For me using social networks for argumentation and debating politics has been major.  With the election being so close, so divisive and at times, the attacks being so vicious, I took sides and took to defending my favorite candidate from what has been said about him.  But in the course of doing do, I discovered a wealth of time wasting in argumentation behavior.  It appealed to another base feeling.  It was not as damaging as indulging in my lusts, but it was not productive.

What more is that I tried to do other things, but I couldn’t seem to to anything more productive.  Reading the word of God, writing in a journal, learning and improving my professional skill set all seemed to require more energy than I had.  But being alone with my thoughts and allowing them to travel down to base desire came all too naturally.  So I am beginning to realize my thoughts when I am in tired moments quickly descend to the natural man desires.  Coming out of those has been difficult.  Instead I have only moved from one time waster to another.  I am trying to work on taking that time and being more productive and focused.  But being willing to give up what is going on in my head has taken over the year to master and I don’t know I am ready to move on.  

I read step 7 and feel unready to move to it.  I really want the request to be sincere.  I want to be fulling willing to give it all up as has been suggested in step 6.  I don’t know that I am.  I like certain activities like social networking and argumentation.  I like just watching shows on TV that may not be porn but are not appropriate.  I like fantasy.  All of this puts me in a place to lust in my heart.  I don’t know I have ever been willing to fully let that go.

1 comment:

  1. I realize this post was made over a year ago, but I hope you have found peace in the program and are able to move forward leaving behind your addiction as you continue to recovery. May the Lord continue to bless you!!