The standard of Praiseworthy

My daughter got accepted into the University of Utah.  I suppose that's a big deal.  I mean, I know it's not all that common anymore.  But I just can't use the standards of the world as my measuring tape.  The reality is, she could have gotten into here with her eyes closed. Which lately is how I feel she is doing things.

It is being suggested to me that I don't acknowledge her accomplishments much.  I guess my ability to be not easily impressed is costing me some relationship time.  Her boyfriend's family bought a huge cake and gave her a party for getting accepted. So they are the heroes and I am the heel. Of course, her boyfriend comes from a family of where nearly everyone had dropped out of high school.  That's not an exaggeration nor even does it come with disrespect.  It does make clear that they have a different standard of excellence than I have.  They see my daughter as this shining beacon in their lives.  I suppose I can't argue with this given their perspective. 

My perspective is different.  I very nearly failed out of high school.  I failed out of college my first try.  Yet, I managed to get in and graduate from the U of U with two kids and working a full time job. See, I am a goof-up.  I am a person of mediocre achievements and I am an alumni of the U.   I guess I never thought of getting into the U of U as some amazing achievement; I still don't.

I am glad she is going to college, but given her talents and natural abilities, I am not wowed by it.  Add to this the fact that she is, again no exaggeration here, a genius.  She was reading at a 12th grade level in the third grade.  She exceeded her teacher's ability to teach her math in grade school.  I had to find schooling that would challenge her.  She entered high school with a goal of MIT.  I did not set this goal.  I did not pressure this goal.  I did promise to all I could to help her get to this goal.  Which I did until she told me I needed to back off.  Which I did.

Now she is accepted to Utah.  I am not saddened by this.  But I am not wowed by it either. This has put me in a place of being perceived as a jerk by her and others. Add to this the fact that I almost need to beg her to go to young women's these days.  And if the activity isn't just right, she bails.  If I try to correct this I am accused of giving her a guilt complex.  I can't offer any form of correction, no matter how kind it is offered without a conflict ensuing, the last response was so hurtful, I just had to leave for a while. I am told this is because she is unhappy with me for not praising her.

So now I am needing  to change my approach and offer praise as is desired.  Which means I need to begin by recalibrating my definition of  what is praiseworthy.  Maybe I expect too much.